Lately I've been thinking that I'm a little uptight. Now, those of who know me well are probably thinking, 'hello, you're just realizing this now...' But anyway, I really think that my uptightness is robbing me of some simple joys of motherhood. I'm a routine-loving planner, which doesn't necessarrily jive with having an infant. Judah does better on a schedule which is also a motivation for that part of my personality to thrive. But, as we all know, children have a mind of their own. Judah has been teething for about 2 months it seems, so everything is negotiable at this point. Not sleeping through the night anymore, not liking to take a nap unless he parks it on mama's chest, following me around the house whining like a little puppy dog, deciding every other day that he wants to wean himself. All of these new things challenge me every day and bring to light the fact that my flesh is alive and active. I've been feeling lately that I need to make a choice in those very short seconds before the monster inside me responds; to either resond in love or in frustration. The old idea of turning lemons into lemonaide keeps running through my head and challenges me to change my perspective, to pray for love, and to be present in every moment that I have with my son. I don't want you to get the feeling that Judah is a naughty boy, because it isn't true, his mother just has issues. With that said, here is how I would like to look at things...
Great, you want to nap on me... I'd love to snuggle with you for an hour.
SO you're bored with all your 2 billion toys and you want to be in my shadow... I'd love to stop what I'm doing and play with you.
I see that you've suddenly decided that your crib doesn't provide the most comfortable sleeping arrangement... I would love to snuggle you in bed with me even if you punch me in the face every hour.
So spitting food in my face and throwing your spoon seems like a good way to communicate that peas are yucky... so I'll laugh and enjoy you being you because secretly I hate peas too.
All this to say that I don't want to look back in 10 years and have memories of things that I wish I had done, or the mom I wish I had been. This stage in his life is going to fly by and I want to know that I lived it to the fullest, enjoyed Judah as much as I could, and loved him with my life. I don't want to look back at his babyhood and just think, wow that was hard, but I want to say out of the truest place in my heart that it was amazing and touching and so beautiful to watch my son grow into the man he will be. I love being Judah's mom, for real!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Lighten Up...
Posted by Joey, Katie, Judah and Annie at 4:11 PM
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3 comments:
You are an amazing mommy and friend Katie. Judah is so lucky to have you. I believe that all of us are guilty of feeling dissatisfied from time to time with our various circumstances. Your honesty and humility is beautiful.
Noah throws up on me all day and it can get old and gross, you have inspired me to LOVE every bit of the miracle God has given me to take care of...even if it entails getting pooped on, peed on and spit up on.
Love you friend.
Hey Katie, you are too cute. I think you have made the transition to motherhood so good. it wierd to think that Judah hasnt always been there, you are such a natural. i hope you guys are doing well. LA is going really good, we feel really blessed, but of course miss SLO.
Here's something funny to lighten up about. You don't know me but my brother and sister are Joey and Katie Hale. I typed in joeyandkatie.etc and got you instead of them. They are at katieandjoey.etc
They are expecting their first child, a boy, in December. You guys are like twins!
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