21 Weeks

So I hear that when you are carrying a girl you tend to carry them "all over." I never really understood what that meant until now. Apparently I'm carrying her mostly in my booty. Either that or the 3 helpings of dessert a day are starting to get to me. Seriously, how hard is it to know that every month you're going to gain at least 4 pounds. As women we already struggle so much with body image and the bombardment of society telling us what's 'really' beautiful. Unfortunately even being pregnant I'm really not doing well with the expanding waist line. When I was pregnant with Judah I think I was just naive to the fact that it is so hard to get the weight off afterwards. They tell you that breast feeding will melt it away, but that was not the case for me. I think that's why it's been so hard for me, knowing that realistically it will be another year and lots of sweat before I will wear my normal clothes again. I guess that until we're done having kids this will be a constant up and down battle, but it's worth it.

On a separate note, Judah has been really into my belly lately, well, not just mine. He thinks that everyone including him has a baby in their tummy. He goes up to whoever is around, male or female and tries to lift up their shirt while saying 'baby'. Please don't get offended if he does this to you, he's just a bit confused. He gives baby sissy lots of kisses and lately is really into giving raspberries. It's really sweet and I hope that there's a part of him that will start to understand that she's really in there.

Leigh, spirituality & massage...

My sweet brother Howie gave me a gift certificate to Sycamore for a prenatal massage for Mother's Day/Birthday. I'm sitting here now, greased up with my mind racing after finally taking advantage of one of life's simple pleasures. This post has some random topics that all came out this morning in conversation with my masseuse. First of all, a little know fact to most of you is that I have a rather large tattoo on my lower back that is a cross with the initials of a very special friend who passed away 6 1/2 years ago. I've been thinking of her quite a bit lately as Joey and I are pondering names for our daughter. Ever since I was pregnant with Judah (and thought he was a girl) I had felt very strongly that I wanted to name my first daughter after her. So back to the massage... the woman commented on my tattoo and began asking me about it and then began to share some very interesting spiritual thoughts with me. Before I get into that, I really would like to share Leigh's story with you which is a huge part of my coming to know the Lord.

We met in college at UCSD and were in the same suite. She was a passionate lover of Jesus and the only Christian in our circle of friends. I had totally walked away from the Lord and became very much involved with... let's just say, some very unhealthy, self-destructive behavior. Somehow Leigh and I were still close friends and she loved me so well and accepted me despite my occasional unkindness to her.

Leigh had a very rare adrenal disorder that put her in the hospital at least once every other month with crippling migraines. I was the only one with a car and so I became her ER buddy, which gave me such an awe and respect for her faith in a good God despite such hardships in life. She lived and breathed Christ, without saying a word most of the time. She believed with all her heart that God would heal her in his time, even if healing came in heaven.

By the end of freshman year we had decided to live together the following year. I think that I was deeply afraid that her light would expose my own sin and darkness and much to my shame, I asked her not to live with us when it all came to pass. She was wounded, understandably, but we were able to restore our friendship and remain close.

That summer I came to live in SLO and was challenged by a good friend (after being dumped) that I needed to find my joy and life in Christ again. God transformed my heart and gave me a desire for Him, his word and his works. When I returned to SD in the fall, I shared my conversion experience with Leigh and she took me under her wing with such joy. She discipled me and helped me find fellowship and stand strong in my faith in spite of the temptations I had all around me.

As I grew in my faith that year I felt the Lord calling me away from UCSD. I sensed that he was giving me a clean start somewhere, which led me back to SLO. I visited Leigh 1 month before she died and believe that was one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. She went home to be with the Lord on February 6, 2002 from complications with her migraines. Although she was very ill, it never was seen as a life threatening condition, but the Lord wanted her to come home. Despite the pain of such a loss, I know that she is where her heart has always been, with her first love Jesus. No other person has had such an impact on my life, loved me when I was ugly, and laid her life down for me as a sister.

I really struggled in my faith when she died and backslid for a time, but the Lord has been so gracious to me and given me even more appreciation for my hero of the faith. With all that said Joey and I would be honored to give our daughter her name, Leigh-anne. What a rich legacy. We are thinking that it will be her middle name, but haven't made any concrete decisions yet.

Okay that was a bit exhausting, so maybe I'll save the rest of the post for later...

By the way, who is your hero in the faith?

She's a girl!!!

I don't have the ultrasound pictures loaded yet, but they aren't super clear anyway. It was so exciting to see her and to know that she's really in there, growing and moving. Everything is totally normal at this point which is even more exciting than knowing her sex. I was getting worried because I haven't felt her move nearly as much as I had felt Judah. Turns out she is a super active baby, but my placenta is right in front of my tummy, so it's blocking a lot of the kicking sensations. I thought she was just a bit on the shy side, but now I know she's just hiding a bit for now.  We are so excited to have a girl. There's just something really precious to me about having a daughter and I haven't even met her yet. It's also scary to me that now I'm going to be this girl's number one role model. I know I have similar responsibilities with Judah, but it's just different with a girl.  And not to mention the fact that now I will be responsible for at least one sex talk... aye. I will post her first pics. soon, maybe even a belly shot.

Mut-neh & Deet-deet...

            Infamous deet-deet, courtesy Pawpaw J.
 Already trying to do tricks, at least he's quickly learned to practice on the grass... oy!

     The new mut-neh, every kid should have one of these
Family outing to Avila Barn, his favorite thing (other than the ice cream) was an old rail road tie that he practiced his balance beam skills on. 

Judah has been starting to talk quite a bit. I've been surprised at how quickly he's been picking up new words. Now I don't know how language develops in these little ones, but Judah has also come up with own little dialect. Joey and I joke that he speaks fluent Portuguese with the occasional Mandarin slang.  He does the traditional wa-wa for water and nigh-nigh for night night, but otherwise, things are a bit different. Momo = movie, deet-deet = skateboard, mut-neh = helmet, pah-kah = park. It took us a while to catch onto to these new words, but now Joey and I find it hard to call them anything else. I don't know about anyone else, but I find this new toddler/communication phase both super exciting and frustrating at the same time. He thinks that because we understand a fair amount of what he says, that we should get everything, which makes him frustrated and whiney, making mommy equally frustrated and whiney.  It is so amazing to begin to see the little person that he's becoming. The more I get to know him, the more I think he's a clone of Joey. He lives to make people laugh, loves mommy's kisses, can charm the pants off of anyone, LOVES baseball, skateboards and dirt.  I remember when I was pregnant with him, Joey and I would try and imagine what he would be like. Of course we both had our wish list. Each had our hopes of what he would love, what he would do, and what his personality would be and I can definitely say that God seems to have wrapped all those things up into a crazy, independent, high energy, spunky, thrill seeking toddler named Judah. 

I think even in the midst of certain behavior/attitude issues that we're dealing with right now, Joey and I have been so in awe of what a gift and what a joy Judah is. I think that this will probably sum up our entire career of parenting.  Going through periods of feeling like a total idiot, praying non-stop that we don't screw him up, and loving him so deeply that none of it makes sense.  

As far as the pregnancy goes, even before I got pregnant I hoped for a very mellow, easy going baby for #2. A girl would be my preference, but if we had a boy I would be equally thrilled.  It's funny though because when I was pregnant with Judah I felt him moving super early, no surprise. I think Joey even felt him kick at around 17-18 weeks. Well, the little one I'm carrying now is being awfully shy.  I thought I would feel this baby even sooner because that's what everyone says, but I think I'm just now at 19 weeks starting to feel baby. Part of me starts to get worried, but I know they're all so different.  We have our ultrasound next week, on Friday, so I'll be sure to post some pictures and let you all know what we see.  Anyone have any guesses?

Long Time...

I think the threat of Jamie Hill has scared me into submission. We are alive and well, I'm just not feeling particularly bloggy lately. As most of you know, we are expecting our second baby in December, and couldn't be more thrilled. We have also recently moved to Arroyo Grande, which has been such and amazing blessing. I'm feeling better, pregnancy-wise, but am usually exhausted by our little man. Judah has been a busy boy, exploring his new house, big back yard and new neighborhood with 3 parks within a 10 minute walk.  Motherhood right now makes me feel kind of manic. I could not be more in love with my son than I am right now, but new challenges in this toddler stage have definitely caught me off guard. I'm really trying to center my life on prayer and more reliance on the Lord every day for his sufficiency.  Especially with the daunting task of raising another child, I'm feeling waves of insufficiency, excitement, apprehension, and just really quite overwhelmed. But one thing I do know and am trying live out is that HIS grace is sufficient for me. I have to come to the well and drink and be filled with his Spirit, every day, every hour. I'm sure any parent can truly testify that this is the key to our joy, our sanity and our success. The more time that passes the more I am convinced that I can not love as a wife, a mother or a friend on my own strength, but it must be the overflow of what I have received from the Lord.  I can't rely on others for my happiness, this includes Judah, Joey, my family and my dear friends. What an incredible burden to put on our loved ones when they can bring us such joy at times, yet when the inevitable let downs come our joy is stolen. Christ came to make our joy complete, Joey didn't come for that purpose and neither did Judah.  

Sorry for the random musings, but that's what's spinning around in my head and in my heart. I'm starting to realize though that when the Lord is doing things in my heart, no matter how painful, I am filled with an immeasurable amount of hope and peace that Christ will truly bring about transformation if I merely invite to him to rule and reign in my life.